18 May 2013

* Reason's to be cheerful...

Thankyou, most lovable (not) Kelly at Dysfunctionally Functional for nominating me for this kick arse award! I had a speech all written out, was half way to the shops to purchase a new dress and get my hair done... when Kelly disclosed that none of that was actually necessary. I'm calling her bad names in my head.

The deal for getting this award is as follows:

1)  Display the trophy on your post.
2)  Write a short piece that starts with:  I Didn't Kill ____ Today.  It doesn't have to be a person; it can be an appliance, a business, or anything else you choose.
3)  Nominate a few people and let them know it's their turn to vent!

Kinda like a glorified chain letter ;o)

Now I'm kinda stumped, because there's so much to choose from...

Okay, here goes...

I Didn't Kill Joshua, Today. Actually, it was last Sunday, but let's use some poetic license here and I'll explain... I know it says *click for recipe* below... there's no recipe but click it anyway...

Josh was home last weekend and asked us if we fancied going to see the new Star Trek movie with him (translation, could we be his taxi), and then pop into Chiquitos for some lunch before coming home. We hadn't seen him properly for nearly 5 weeks, so we said we'd love to and we asked his nan (my mum) if she wanted to come too.

So far so good.

On Sunday morning, I gave him a shout to get out of bed, because he had an hour before we were due to head off and pick his nan up. He was in and out of the shower in 10 minutes, then proceeded to make us late by fiddling with his hair for the next hour. Narcissus don't got nufink on my boy when it comes to vanity.

We gave up waiting and got in the car, turning the engine over to give him the hint that we were on the verge of leaving without him. He magically appeared at the front door, and then in the car. But he was huffy.... I'd decided, for the first time ever, to sit in the back of the car and let him ride shotgun with his dad... the little bastard proceeded to ram the chair back on it's runners, into my knees, which resulted in him getting a quick clip round the earhole while he moaned that his legs were too long and he needed the room. Surely he's used to them by now - he's had them for 22 years!?!

The rest of the day went downhill from there.

I embarassed him in the shop (deliberately - I should add - because he was pissing me off), when I asked him in front of the pretty young shop assistant if he wanted mummy to buy his sweets for him... I was doubled up on my way back to the car, but he didn't see that because he was still in the shop.

His nan embarassed him when he kicked up over where he was sitting in the cinema and she asked him if he'd like to sit with mummy and daddy (he'd pissed her off too). He then sat there with a magazine hiding his face, for reasons unknown, until the lights went low and the film started.

He was a little shit to his nan when she asked him something relevant and related to the film during the course of it.... then to top it all off when the film finished, he decided he wasn't hungry, didn't want to eat in Chiquitos, and we should all go home now.

Well... we didn't.

We gave him the car keys (he's not passed his driving test yet so we weren't telling him to take the car, just to to go sit in it), told him he could do as he damn well pleased but we'd planned on having a good day out and if he couldn't contribute to "the happy", he could contribute to the "piss off we've had enough of you now".

We stayed in the restaurant for at least a half hour longer than we normally would have. When we got back to the car, I ruffled his hair, told him I loved him.... and burped enchiladas at him. He grinned at me, smoothed his hair down.... and told me to "Fuck off, mum."

One day - I'll tell you about the time I called the police on him because he'd eaten my favourite biscuits.

Now, who to nominate...

I nominate
Stacey at Maple Syrup Land because I can.


Sharon at Elephants and Mangoes because I want to.

Vent, or not. The choice is yours!


  1. OMFG, "I didn't kill __ today has got to be the best writing prompt ever!! Thank you so much for this award...I'm truly honoured :)

  2. Lol ..!! Oh gosh, I really enjoyed reading this, Abbe. Thank you for sharing Josh with us and also for nominating me. You had me laughing non-stop!

    Sorry I'm late. Just got back from a long holiday.

    1. Well wherever you went, I hope you had a lovely time xx


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