* Apple and Cranberry Flapjacks

I acquired a bag of apples about a week ago and I've been "umming and aahing" over what to do with them ever since ( a whole 7 days!). Not once did it occur to me to just eat them. I'm not a huge fan of fruit unless it's in something.

I love apple crumble and apple pie and apple pudding etc, but I'm trying to lose a bit of weight and if I'd cooked any of those recipes I would have had to sit and eat the whole lot, because Neil doesn't like them. He's not a fan of flapjacks either - but flapjacks are easily transportable, so I can keep half and share the rest, without fear of too much *lifetime on the hips*. Though there will be some. I'm sure.

This Apple and Cranberry Flapjack recipe - as most of them are just recently - was an experiment that worked incredibly well. I'd have been quite content to just sit and eat the whole concoction raw after I'd had a taste test. The fact that the recipe made it is far as the oven was a minor miracle. Though I did make sure to leave at least a spoonful in the bottom of the saucepan to indulge myself with. Okay it was two spoonfuls. Possibly three.

If there is one thing I would repeat from this recipe (and I'd repeat the whole recipe happily), it would be the addition of the demerera sugar on the top. The flapjack itself was moist, chewy and dense and the sugar gave it a touch of welcome crunch... and it looked pretty damn fine when it came out of the oven...

I was all... like...  "Look Neil, aren't they fab!?!"

And he was all... like... "I don't like flapjacks".

And then I was like... "But if you did like flapjacks you'd eat these flapjacks, wouldn't you?!?"

And he was like... "What's in them?"

"Apple"

"I don't like Apple."

Silence.

And then he was like.... "Um... but if I ate flapjacks and I ate apple... I would really love those flapjacks, honest."

"Now you're just trying too hard."

"I love you."

"Enough to eat a flapjack?"

"Ummmmm..." 

I have no idea which one of us was winding the other one up.

* Chocolate Zucchini Brownies

I made these Chocolate Zucchini Brownies three times before I felt they were good enough to share... with real touchable people as well as all of you!

Usually, it seems to take me longer to photograph and blog a recipe, than it does to actually make it - not this time, however... I made these brownies three times before I finally got them right!

The first time I made them, I squeezed all of the water out of the zucchini and they were a tad cake-like in consistency. Nice, but not dense and chewy enough to be called a brownie.

The second time I made them in a 20cm x 20cm square cake tin and only used 50g/2oz of chocolate chips, but I didn't squeeze the water out of the zucchini.... they were really good and completely shareable but I forgot to take photographs.... because we ate them a tad quickly.

Just a tad.

The third time I used a 27cm x 17cm baking pan, didn't squeeze the water out of the zucchini and added 100g/4oz of chocolate chips.... and remembered to photograph them before we ate them... barely. They were awesome - dense, chewy, chocolatey, nommy bars of heaven.

The best compliment in the world was when my friend Lynne's daughter - Deryn - ate five of them before we could get the lid back on the tin they'd been served in. I sat there in awe and delight. Finally, someone with an even bigger capacity for sweet things, than I.

But only just.

* Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Muffins {Nigella Lawson}

The last time I tried to make anything resembling a chocolate muffin or cupcake, it all went volcanically wrong - I think it's because I use my fan oven for just about everything, and it's really not suited to baking smaller cakes, at all. It either dries them out or blows them up.

There is a chance that it's actually a non intelligent life form that is making attempts at nuclear fusion via cake batter.

Well I've finally used my noggin and removed it's funding (stopped using it for little cakes, ya follow?) and I used my conventional oven instead to cook these Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Muffins from a Nigella Lawson recipe.

It worked.

It worked so well that I got too excited to wait to photograph these babies and the chocolate-chips on the top were still a bit hot and shiny. I absolutely promise that I did not lick the top of every single muffin to create a shiny effect.

Though the temptation was certainly there.

* Traditional Brownie {Hummingbird Bakery}

Finally - a traditional brownie recipe that I didn't muller first time around...

Every cook, everywhere, no matter their expertise (I'm not claiming any here, just go with the flow till I'm done )... has something that they either can't cook or aren't very good at instinctively.

For me, it used to be pastry - however... I've mentioned in other posts that I am now a pastry goddess (of at least two types of pastry... two types)... Shut up. I can hear your "Yeah. Right." sarcasm from here. I can do my own. Thankyou. Sarcasm AND pastry. In. Your. Face...

Now that I have conquered one battle, won one war (stay with me), it would seem that I have had another one on my hands. Brownies. I'm crap at 'em.

NOT ANY MORE. Bolded and underlined baby.

Okay. I've had one iddy biddy true success, but you can't take that away from me. Look at 'em. They are perfectly papery on the top and squidgily soft in the middle and it's like you've died and gone to heaven when you stuff three of them in your face all at once.

Not that I did that. Okay... I might have done that. It all happened so fast I'm not quite sure what happened - but one minute there were 12 brownies and the next... weeellllll... there were less than 10... and I was chewing on something chocolatey. Maybe.

According to my Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook - traditional brownies must be chewy, chocolatey and dense - and these were all three. I think maybe the fact that I used my conventional oven to cook them, rather than my fan oven - meant that they didn't dry out and lose that essential squidgy factor. So I'll be doing that again.

And soon.

* Raspberry Coconut Cupcakes

Raspberries are cheap in Aldi at the moment, so of course - I purchased a ton of them. Not quite enough to make ice cream, though I'd really like to (mum keeps dropping hints), but certainly enough to make a cakey or two. We've only recently had Raspberry Almond Squares, and I haven't successfully made a cupcake in FOREVER, so it was about time for another dubious attempt.

They worked.

Go me.

There was dancing and everything.

As I stood icing them, my friend Trina appeared (she has a cake radar) for a cup of tea, and got so excited at the prospect of cake that at one point I thought she was going to drop her head in the icing bowl. When we're out in public I often pretend I don't know her - especially when she discovers matching jewellery. Ever seen a girl nearly wet herself over a bangle? I have. It's the stuff of nightmares.

I couldn't find my piping bag and nozzles, so iced the cupcakes with a palette knife and they ended up with a slightly shabby chic appearance, that I actually quite liked once I stopped licking the palette knife long enough to take notice. You'll be happy to know that I did not lick anything whilst in the midst of icing, but waited until I had finished. Honest.

I was genuinely chuffed to bits with the end result. They were moist and tasty and nommy and sweet and there's none left already.

You didn't expect otherwise, did you?!?

HAVE YOU MET ME?!?

* Raspberry Almond Squares

I know. They're not exactly square squares, but I can't bring myself to call them something as delicate as a slice, because they're really not delicate at all. They are, in fact, rather robust and pretty deep wodges of almondy, raspberryee cakie.

I have deep cakes. 

You have to open your mouth up REALLY BLOODY WIDE to wedge one of these babies in there. I know, because I've wedged four of them in mine. Not all at once, but I couldn't quite believe just how far I had to dislocate my jaw to get one in, so I had to try again.  

Four times!!! Okay. Three more times, because I'd already tried once and 3 + 1 = 4. If you clap - I will hunt you down and kill you.

I made these for Neil (out of guilt and because he loves them) because my oldest BFF, Kerry - dropped me in it. She mentioned his "I don't like custard" face... on facebook... and he wondered why she'd be mentioning such a thing... when he doesn't actually have an "I don't like custard" face... 

Mmmmm. Well. I didn't 'fess up that I'd blogged about it because I managed to instigate a discussion (yes - a discussion - NOT an argument) about the fact that I'd been with him for twenty years so I should absolutely know whether or not he had an "I don't like custard" face.

I win all arguments just recently by stating "Twenty years, Neil... TWENTY YEARS!!!" Which is code for "I know exactly what you're up to/what you meant/why you said that/did that/moved that/ate that... and you can't... fool... me!"

He just sits and laughs at me - then I let him get away with whatever it was he was trying to get away with because he's made me laugh too...

Mmmeh, maybe he can fool me. When I let him.

* Eton Mess Cheesecake

I think I may have an addiction to food shopping. Actually, I know I have an addiction to food shopping. 

One day I will photograph the contents of my fridge, food cupboards, freezers and emergency *just in case of a nuclear war that causes earthquakes and volcanic eruptions that create a Tsunami that melts all the icebergs and THEN we get hit by an asteroid* shelf in the cupboard under the stairs... and share them with you... and you probably won't ever come back.

I'm thinking of running away from it all myself. Possibly to Australia. With an Australian. With Hugh Jackman... Not Guy Pearse, he's kinda scrawny looking... Bruce Bannanannanaman has his horny moments though.

I think I'd probably take my food shopping addiction with me, and I can't see Hugh or Bruce being too happy about that. Guy could do with a decent dinner or two but he's not in the running. So. What to do.

Cue The Clash, front stage in my head "Should I stay or should I go noowwwwwwww".

Well I'm gonna stay. And I'm gonna cook it all. Then I'm gonna eat it all. I think I have enough food stashed throughout the house, to feed us for at least the next three months, other than for fresh vegetables.

I would LOVE to slowly get rid of it all and start completely afresh, but when I decide to use something up and enjoy what I've eaten - I go straight out and buy more so's I can make it again. Like with this cheesecake - I needed to use up some strawberries and cream cheese and I had a couple of meringue nests "waiting for God" in a packet on the *panic shelf*...

Sigh... it was so nice - I went straight out and bought another punnet of strawberries... and spotted some raspberries blowing kisses at me from the shelf beside them... and found myself wandering towards a box of meringues before my brain kicked in, took control of my feet and moved us (me and my brain), towards the checkout.

It didn't spot the box of cream cheese I'd stashed under the strawberries though.

Hah. My brain is so sssslow.

Oh.
Wait.

* Banana and Chocolate Chip Flapjacks

I know, it's been pretty quiet around here for a couple of weeks - I have loads of excuses all lined up for anyone that has actually missed me... and also for those of you that haven't (and why haven't you?!?)...

Excuse no.1 - I went to my 25 year school reunion and got so drunk that it's taken me 2 weeks to recover. I had NO idea that being this old would affect my ability to cope with copious amounts of wine and champagne... nor did I realise just how unhinged I become when I'm drunk and happy. My mother has refused to ever let me stay there again after a night out, because I treated her staircase like a helter skelter (even asked for a tray so's I could slide down 'em a bit faster) and after throwing up in her toilet, I told her she was dirty and needed to clean it up. I also called her "butch" when she put her dressing gown on...

Excuse no.2 - see above. That's my oldest BFF Kerry, in the pink - with me at our reunion. The photo is slightly out of focus, but the entire evening was slightly out of focus - so it's apt.

Excuse no.3 - I haven't had a car for 3 weeks so have had to rely on internet shopping for groceries and I'm CRAP at it. My grocery shopping has left me uninspired and slightly depressed and therefore unable to cook food I want to share... I get my car back on Saturday.

Excuse no.4 - Mmmmmmeh.

Excuse no.5 - I. Just. Couldn't. Be. Arsed.

Excuse no.6 - I made these flapjacks two weeks ago and ATE THE BLOODY LOT... I have been frightened to cook ever since.

Take your pick, they're all true. I should probably be ashamed of Excuse no.1 but I can't quite summon up the energy... and I think it's funny. Mum didn't. But she loves me and I was forgiven by 9am the morning after because I climbed into bed with her and fell sound asleep... snoring. A mother's love really is forgiving.

Back to Excuse no.6. These really were the BEST flapjacks I have ever made/eaten. I couldn't wait quite long enough for them to cool down completely, and when they were barely warm I sunk my teeth into the first one. It was like eating a flapjack brownie. The centre was all squidgy and nommy and...

...well, the rest is history.

I've never made anything but straight forwards flapjacks before - so this recipe is going into this month's Our Growing Edge link up - hosted by Chandler from The Chef with Red Shoes. Our Growing Edge is aimed at connecting food bloggers everywhere and inspiring us to challenge ourselves and try new things. It's a great idea and absolutely everyone is welcome to join in, so come on over and take a look for yourselves.

* Banana Loaf

It's absolutely chucking it down, again. I know us British have a somewhat obsessive relationship with the weather - as in we all bring it into every conversation at least once (and I'm not exaggerating, not even a little) - but you can hardly blame us when we get all four seasons in one day, on what's becoming a fairly regular basis.

At the moment when the sun shines, we're all too wary of it's fleeting visit, to dig in and enjoy it. Just as we think "Is that really the sun up there?" and "I'm going to get the lawnmower out"... the heavens open and we're faced with yet another deluge of dampness. The entire country is starting to smell like permanently wet washing.

I'm so fed up with getting wet because I have to walk the dog in it, that I thought I might as well get wet voluntarily - so I've been swimming this morning, at the local holiday camp with a friend. I've never been before, even though I've lived in the village for 20 years. I had no idea that the pool was open to the public.

It was heaven.

There was hardly anyone there and the water was so warm it was like a giant cuddle as I got in. No - there hadn't been a million toddlers in there five minutes previously, all having a piddle. 

At least... I don't think there was.

It was raining when we got there. It was raining when we left. It's still raining now... and guess what...

The dog wants to go for a walk. 

She'll have to stick a cork in it. 

I want a slice of this cake.

* Rustic Strawberry Cheese Cake

I took a GAZILLION photographs of this cheesecake and was very tempted to subject you to all of them, just so's you could drool as much as I did.

But you may have become paralysed with boredom after the first fifty, so I thought "best not".

It's a *no bake* cheesecake that I made to take to my mum's for Mothers Day last Sunday. I desperately wanted to write the recipe up for it on the Sunday morning and share it with you then, but had to wait until after we'd eaten it - just in case it was awful. It wasn't.

It was scrum-diddly-umptious.

Yes. I have been watching way too much of The Simpsons. No. I don't need to get out more.

Mum loved it (the cheesecake), as did everyone else. I wish I'd thought to take my camera with me, so's I could have taken even more photos of it in various states of dishabille, smothered in strawberry coulis. But I forgot.

Lucky you.

* Carrot Cake

There are loads of Carrot Cake recipes out there, and I've eaten more than my fair share in my quest to discover my favourite. Currently, it's this one.

My sister-in-law loved this cake the one and only time I made it for a family get together at my brother's...

I'm not good at sharing this cake once I've made it.

Not even with Neil and Josh, who also happen to love it.

Or mum - who is still waiting for a piece to arrive via son-in-law delivery as he passes by her house on the way to work. She's completely out of luck on this occasion.

I've eaten it all.

Yes.

BANG goes the diet... for this week at any rate. I knew it would happen. It's almost as if I had to make the cake just to see. It would have been wonderful if I could have surprised myself with the will power to eat one piece a day (even), but noooooooooooooooo. One piece at a time... totally achievable.

It was easier to stop smoking than it is to stop eating. If I never had to eat again, I reckon I could do it. But the whole "food is fuel" thing knocks that idea straight out of the park.

My tank, it overfloweth.

* Double Chocolate and Almond Loaf

I have tried so very hard NOT to make cake recently. Or cookie, or muffins, or pancakes or anything that I'm not going to able to walk away from with just one helping...

...sooooooo hard.

*sigh*

So... So... Hard... Truly.

*sigh* (again)

I lost this particular battle this afternoon, because I was feeling guilty about the fact that I have been experimenting (in a culinary fashion!!!) on Neil. The poor bugger has put up with concoction after concoction for his dinner, when all he really wants is a plate of mashed potato, a side of meat and a few veg... smothered in onion gravy. Instead, he has been subjected to soups... anything that I can bung a wad of spinach into... and the odd item of vegetarian fare. He's eaten it all, uncomplaining - and has probably enjoyed most of it - but still... I feel guilty (that's my excuse for this cake and I'm sticking to it).

So - I made me - HIM... I made HIM a cake. 

I made Neil a cake... Neil... Cake. Yes.

He's not home from work yet - so I've had to hide it in the cupboard under the stairs so that it doesn't blow kisses at me whenever I pass through the kitchen.

I HAVE NO WILLPOWER.

Maybe I could just lick it a bit?

* Coffee and Walnut Cake

This is Neil's absolute favourite cake, and I'd fully intended to make it for his birthday a couple of weeks back - but every day life got in the way... it has a habit of doing that.

I probably wouldn't have bothered to make it today, but I went out to lunch with my oldest BFF yesterday and was feeling slightly guilty that I bought myself a shed load of crumbly vanilla fudge.... two bangles, two pairs of earrings and almost bought a painting for £110 but realised it would be a step too far just before money changed hands...

... and bought nothing home for him *shrugs guiltily*.

I suppose I could have bought the painting home and said "Surprise!!!!"... but he stopped falling for that one some time in 1995 - when I had a penchant for cuddly toys and made out they were always for him.

He wasn't overly impressed when I bought him a tumble dryer either.

* Fudgy Coconut Brownies

I've made these a couple of times now, and they don't tend to linger in the cake tin. I confess, that if left alone with them - it's me that polishes them off. But you already knew that.

If you're on a diet, these are absolutely perfect... to completely screw it up. If you want to derail your good intentions and cry when you get on the scales on Monday morning, These will help. I'm just saying.

Having said all of that - one won't hurt. Two if you jog.

I don't jog.

You can use a swiss roll tin or a square cake tin to make these, but they are far more gooey and nommy when baked in a square tin. You also have to have the patience of a saint, because if you even attempt to remove the brownie from the tin, before it has cooled - you will end up with a soggy, if delicious mess.

Yes - I have done this (well of course I have, or how would I know?).

No - I didn't tell anyone.

...I ate the evidence.

All of it.

* Chocolate and Marshmallow Fridge Cake

I found the recipe for this in a Sainsbury's Magazine about a year or so ago. Made it once and vowed never to make it again. It lasted less then 2 hours. We were pigs. Big pigs. My son was the worst culprit and he's been begging me to make this again, ever since.

I have marshmallows and macadamias and I quite like him at the moment, so thought "Why not?" The Hazelnut Squares are all but gone, and it's nice to have something lurking in the background to satisfy those sweet tooth cravings.... of which we have many.

I can't help but think back to when my brother and I were kids, and our mum used to bake every Wednesday of our lives. My brother pointed out a few years back, that on those days we just couldn't win... if we loved what she'd baked we'd eat it all rather quickly - in which case she'd vow never to make it again because we were greedy.. ooooorrrr we didn't like what she'd baked and didn't touch it... in which case she'd vow never to make it again because we were ungrateful.

There was a kind of twisted logic in that.

I think I'm turning into my mum.

Shoot me. Shoot me now.

* Hazelnut Squares

We appear to be getting all four seasons in one day - I swear blind it was snowing out there a moment ago, but now the sun is shining and it's mizzling on and off. I've given up on getting the washing dried and although it's not quite cold enough to turn the heating on yet, I thought I could warm the place up briefly by turning the oven on and doing a spot of baking.

Yet again there are no biscuits in the tin, so I thought I'd make some Hazelnut Squares. Not quite a biscuit (cookie) and not quite a cake - they'll fill a hole if I get the munchies later on - which I will - because I'm awake.

These are stickily declicious and incredibly moreish - and very, very simple to make. You can substitute virtually any nut in place of the hazelnut, but why would you?

* Millionaire's Shortbread

This is one of my son's absolute favourite tray bakes...and mine. If I didn't like it, there's no way I'd make it.

It's one of those tray bakes that we've probably all eaten at some point and loved, but it gets a bit forgotten now that cupcakes, cookies, muffins and brownies are all the rage. Or have they always been all the rage and I'm just catching on now?

I'm a huge fan of eating muffins (especially chocolate chip ones) - just not yet a huge fan of baking them. Though I imagine that practise makes perfect!!!

When you're making this tray bake, for GODS SAKE don't lick the spoon after you've poured the caramel over the shortbread unless you want your tongue to melt off!!! You only have to wait a minute - then it's safe *nods vigorously*.

Yes. I have licked the spoon too early.

Yes. I felt like a complete numpty the moment I did it.

Yes. I've done it more than once.

* Mocha Brownies

I've not cooked these luscious brownies in FOREVER... simply because if I made them whilst Neil was at work - I'd eat the lot before he came home. He'd walk in the door and say "Ooooh, something baking?" and I'd have to lie and say "Nooooooo! I bought some food scented candles. Good aren't they?" Whilst surreptitiously swiping my hands across the work surfaces, checking for stray brownie crumbs... and licking the palms of my hands if I found some.

I'm really not very good at telling myself "No". It's like I have a panic button that says if I don't eat it all now, I may never eat it again. So there's some stuff that I have stopped cooking over the years - in case I end up actually living the *Thin Mint* scene from Monty Python's Meaning of Life... "Eeessa waffer theen!"

KABOOM!

That said... I just had to. Just to see if I'd gained any control over my urge to consume these en mass. 

They've been sitting in their cake tin for the past couple of hours. 

There's drool EVERYWHERE!!!

* Cappuccino Cake

Finally, a cake that my Kenwood didn't completely annihilate. Though I wasn't particularly sure at first. The description of the batter was *thick* and it was meant to be *smoothed out evenly*... when in fact it poured into the tin in a gloppy, shiny liquid mass, and evened itself out just fine thank you. No *smoothing out* was necessary. I panicked slightly, having had a spat of disasters in recent weeks - there was no way I could pass off yet another ruined sponge as my attempt at the worlds largest cookie.... only last week I'd had to pass off a deflated and sad looking loaf of bread as a savoury flat bread - but this was more the fault of the recipe that I followed, than something that I had done wrong. That time. I do find that many recipes are not tried and tested as they should be - and quantities are often either misprinted, or just plain wrong.

Also, I have a tendency to miss stuff out of a recipe entirely - I skip entire lines of ingredients then wonder why my buttermilk muffins resemble play dough, rather than delightfully fluffy, nommy little cakes - I forgot to add the butter. This time, with this cake... I very nearly missed out the sugar. It was only my knowledge of my own recurrent stupidity that made me triple check the ingredients list.

This one is a Mary Berry recipe, that I found on a leaflet in the Daily Mail. I'm a fan. Have been since childhood when I bought one of her recipe books for my mum, for her birthday... then pinched it. Happily The Great British Bake Off returns to our screens tonight - always a fun watch.

Right then, on with the recipe...

* Butternut Squash Muffins

These are a favourite in our house. I've always got a butternut squash or three, lying around. It's incredibly more-ish fair in any guise, and makes a change from carrot in cakes and bakes.

I've tried various toppings, with varying degrees of success. Soured cream icing was nice in theory but in practice it was more like dipping sauce... of course, I still put it on top of the muffins, regardless of it's lack of sticking power.

I eventually settled on a simple lemon cream cheese frosting, that has a certain *nominess* when you sink your teeth in for the first bite.