* Easy Homemade Enchilada Sauce {Fat Free}

I'm still in a constant war with my weight, but I've finally begun to win more battles than I lose. You can probably tell by the fact that I've been labeling my recipes with Slimming World Syns rather than calories or points... that I have given the Slimming World WOE (Way Of Eating) a go... and so far so good... kind of - I have friends that have lost double the amount of weight that I have in half the time but I honestly don't care because this time it's staying off... again - kind of.

Most slimming world recipes drop cooking fats/oils and full fat products such as coconut milk, mayonnaise etc in favour of low cal sprays and low fat product alternatives, plus they don't tend to use any type of cream or butter and these have been my main concessions. I gave the fat free natural yogurt, fromage frais and quark a shot for a month or so in quite a few recipes - and hated them so have found alternatives. I'm not combining frog spit with calves ear lobes (not that that's what Slimming World is), so rest easy that all you have to do to unslimmingworld my recipes (currently) - is to swap back in the cooking fat/oil and full fat products... if that's what floats your boat. Personally my boat had stopped floating because it was weighed down with so much arse and I'm not getting any younger despite not telling anyone when my birthday is. Apparently, the fact that they don't know - doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Who knew??!!??

This Easy Homemade Enchilada Sauce (Did you see what I did there? I bolded it... in case you forgot why you were here... I know I did.) came about because I was looking for a recipe to use up some rice and came across quite a few recipes for enchilada rice casseroles... I decided to make my own enchilada sauce to go in one because of the whole "boat that doesn't float" thing (plus I don't like jarred sauces) and it was scrumptious.

It was also easier than bunging on a pair of flip flops and flipflopping down the road to Sainsbury in the pouring rain. Those buggers get slippy when they're wet and I'm not ready to swap them for welly boots just yet. Plus Summer. It is still Summer. Until September 21st. The planet might not know it, because apparently it no longer takes any notice of The Calendar (wish my birthday didn't)... but it is.... still... Summer...

Kind of.

* Vegetable Macaroni Cheese Bake {Meatless Mondays}

Just recently I tried the 5:2 fasting diet, where I could eat normally (hah...) for five days and only eat 500 calories for two days... in each week. My brain took it upon itself to totally ignore the word "normally" and proceeded to use my hands to stuff my face with anything that wasn't nailed down and was even vaguely edible... on the five days, and then it cried itself to sleep on the two days.

My bum and my brain are in cahoots, apparently they both want to be bigger and one is aiding the other. This is not a good thing.

So... having grounded my brain and forbidden it to associate with my bum... I've joined Weight Watchers... again. Fourth time might be the charm... might. I've already lost 5.5lbs in one week, but this could just be the whole "This is new and we're making an effort this week" thing that I do. I know I do this. It's a personality defect that I have grown to accept, if not love.

This Vegetable and Macaroni Cheese Bake is one of my better efforts at cutting out the cr@p and adding in loads of veggies. It is adapted from a Weight Watchers recipe, but I've opted to use butter and flour to thicken the sauce, rather than cornflour. Butter adds a smidgen of flavour that makes me feel like I'm not depriving myself. I also use my microwave in this recipe - but you can go all *holier than thou* if you choose and soften your veggies in a more traditional manner. This way worked for me.

It was a hugely filling meal and even if I don't stick to Weight Watchers, I will definitely be making it again. It was great straight from the pan, scattered with cheese, and just as nice baked in the oven for a few minutes.

Of course, I saved a few Weight Watchers pro-points for rather a large glass of wine to go with it. Made my brain very happy... if not my bum.

* Celeriac and Potato Mash

This celeriac and potato mash came about because I had rather a large celeriac to use up, that I bought on a whim and I didn't fancy any more soup (I'm souped out. Can you believe it?!?), which is usually the obvious choice for me - when it comes to using up veg - so I thought I'd liven up some mashed potato with it.

I will definitely be doing it again. The celeriac seemed to lighten up the texture of the mash and the flavour too, giving it that almost peppery taste of celery, but somewhat milder.

I wasn't sure if it would go down like a sack of lead cr@p with Neil, because he's a bit of a purist when it comes to his mashed potatoes. He'll eat it with oodles of cheese, but otherwise he tends to regard any alteration to his beloved mash with a bone deep suspicion.

It's incredibly difficult to sit across the table from someone who is eyeing up their mashed potato as if it's going to pull a gun on them.... especially whilst fighting the urge to shout "BANG".

When I presented him with his dinner, he looked at the mash that was swirled through with parsley and said "That doesn't look right... what have you done?" This is usually where I get defensive and start on at him about a variety of past grievances that have absolutely nothing to do with the mashed potato and what I've supposedly done with it. However... all I said was "Eat your dinner." I'd had wine. He then regarded me with suspicion and took a forkful of the mash.... and then another.

When his plate was clear I got the "Lovely darlin'." that I'd been waiting for.

He didn't ask again, what I'd done.. and I didn't tell him.

* Creamy Broccoli Cheddar Soup {Meatless Mondays} + "Eggs" Winner

I have another new favourite soup, and it's this one. This Creamy Broccoli Cheddar Soup is getting it's own bank account, it's so good.

Really. Even Neil enjoyed it, and he doesn't like broccoli.

I probably wouldn't have offered him a bowl of it, if he hadn't asked what smelled so good when it was bubbling away on the stove. When I told him what it was, he said he wouldn't mind trying some.

So when it was cooked, I pushed the spoon into his face with a whole "Choo-choo here comes the food train." pantomime, to which he responded with "Please don't ever do that again." and "I'll eat that." A huuuuuuge compliment from my man of few words.

Neither of us are fans of soups that use flour as a thickener (though I do make them), so I used a carrot to thicken this soup, and to add a slightly golden colour - which makes this a gluten free soup. Also, this recipe uses the whole broccoli - both florets and stems.

I'm now trying to think of more ways to get him to eat broccoli because I love it, and it's far easier to cook one meal for both of us than two separate ones. Though this doesn't happen too often because although he's a man of simple tastes - Neil will try virtually anything (that isn't a flapjack), that I put in front of him.

It's that or starve.

Now it's time to announce the winner of the Michel Roux "Eggs" Cook Book Give Away from last Monday.... drum roll please...

and... the winner iiiiiiissssss.....

Katrina Pearce (comment number 2) - congratulation Katrina, your book is on it's way!

Thanks to everyone who entered xx

* Red Pepper Frittata + Michel Roux Cook Book Give Away! {Meatless Mondays}

I have a beautiful brand new hard back copy of Michel Roux's Cook Book - Eggs, to give away to one lucky reader. And by beautiful... I mean.... beeeeeeautiful - the recipes and photographs are to die for.

Of course, because I have a book on eggs to give away, I could hardly post a recipe for something that did not have at least one egg in it.

This Red Pepper Frittata has six. Six whole eggs. I was very tempted to use eight and that was in fact "The plan". But you should all know by now that me and plans... we don't get along too well. I only had six eggs, so an eight egg frittata was gonna be a bust unless I went to the shops. I wasn't getting the car out for  two eggs. I had wine, or I could have gone for wine and inadvertently purchased eggs as well, and maybe some chocolate.

I would have made an omelet but this is one dish (among many) whose perfection defeats me. I like omelettes a little soft in the middle, but I'm never sure if I want to fold it, or have it flat like a frittata and half way through deciding I end up with scrambled. If you want to know How To Make an Omelette... click on the link I've just given you!

Back to THE GIVE AWAY... dun, dun, duuunnnnnnnn....

Just answer me this and you’re entered to win:

What popular kids TV show theme music started with the words... "Up above the streets and houses..."

(Not related to the cookbook at all, I know.... if you don't know the answer just say "Captain Caveman, who cares, just give me the book!" or whatever else you fancy (keep it clean though), to be in with a chance of winning.)

You can also follow me here, here, here, here and here and come let me know in individual comments below.

This giveaway is limited to UK residents only and is sponsored by Media Agency London.

I'll be picking the winner at random and announcing them on November 25th.

Good Luck!

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

* Apple and Cranberry Flapjacks

I acquired a bag of apples about a week ago and I've been "umming and aahing" over what to do with them ever since ( a whole 7 days!). Not once did it occur to me to just eat them. I'm not a huge fan of fruit unless it's in something.

I love apple crumble and apple pie and apple pudding etc, but I'm trying to lose a bit of weight and if I'd cooked any of those recipes I would have had to sit and eat the whole lot, because Neil doesn't like them. He's not a fan of flapjacks either - but flapjacks are easily transportable, so I can keep half and share the rest, without fear of too much *lifetime on the hips*. Though there will be some. I'm sure.

This Apple and Cranberry Flapjack recipe - as most of them are just recently - was an experiment that worked incredibly well. I'd have been quite content to just sit and eat the whole concoction raw after I'd had a taste test. The fact that the recipe made it is far as the oven was a minor miracle. Though I did make sure to leave at least a spoonful in the bottom of the saucepan to indulge myself with. Okay it was two spoonfuls. Possibly three.

If there is one thing I would repeat from this recipe (and I'd repeat the whole recipe happily), it would be the addition of the demerera sugar on the top. The flapjack itself was moist, chewy and dense and the sugar gave it a touch of welcome crunch... and it looked pretty damn fine when it came out of the oven...

I was all... like...  "Look Neil, aren't they fab!?!"

And he was all... like... "I don't like flapjacks".

And then I was like... "But if you did like flapjacks you'd eat these flapjacks, wouldn't you?!?"

And he was like... "What's in them?"

"Apple"

"I don't like Apple."

Silence.

And then he was like.... "Um... but if I ate flapjacks and I ate apple... I would really love those flapjacks, honest."

"Now you're just trying too hard."

"I love you."

"Enough to eat a flapjack?"

"Ummmmm..." 

I have no idea which one of us was winding the other one up.

* Sweet Potato and Caramelised Onion Quiche {Meatless Mondays}

I know I keep saying that I'm surprised when a recipe works, but I genuinely am. This Sweet Potato and Caramelised Onion Quiche was an experiment because I used my favourite Parmesan and polenta pastry with it. I thought I might have gone for overkill with the flavour combinations and ended up with a dish that was all over the shot.

Happily I was wrong.

I made the quiche to take to mum's on Sunday as my brother and his clan were donning their life jackets and coming to Cornwall to visit. So.... an "occasion" was at hand. An "occasion" always requires copious amounts of food in my family, so you're guaranteed to have at least one individual who likes what you've put in front of them.

Both Neil and my brother, demolished my quiche. I've no idea if Josh ate any. Josh is a Ninja at family gatherings. He appears from nowhere with a plate. The plate is suddenly full to brimming. Then both Josh and his plate disappear... as if they had never been there to begin with!!! There's not even a throwing star lodged in a wall somewhere. It's like the air is displaced with his image, and a plate... then *piff paff poof*... gone.

I wish I could do that.

Especially just after I've farted.

* Easy Cheesy Bubble and Squeak

I need to make more food with Easy Cheesy in the title. I like that title. I like anything even vaguely childish at the moment because I've got a rotten cold, which seems to go hand in hand with a more juvenile sense of humour.... my dreams are pretty freaky too - in a fun way!!! You are so rude!

I dreamt I had magic, the other night (stop groaning, you knew this is where I was heading), and that I was the most powerful magician/sorcerer in the entire world but I hadn't been challenged and therefore didn't know how powerful I was - then the dream jumped a little bit to me saving a load of people by letting them in my front door (apparently this dream could not afford much in the way of special effects)... then this *being* appeared in the sky - now don't laugh - it was Adam Ant. Moving swiftly on... I yelled out of my half open front door (that I was hiding behind - magicians get scared too apparently) at the Adam Ant cloud in the sky..."You don't want to take me on..." then imbued the last two words with a huge majestic power reminiscent of Charlton Heston in various movies "DOOOO YOOOOU?"....

Thing is.... I BOOMED the last two words out loud. In my sleep. As the Adam Ant cloud dissipated into vapour  - I heard a voice beside me snigger and say "Well I suppose this is going to be as interesting as "I'm a giraffe"...".

*sigh*

I'd woken Neil up.

12 hours later when he walked in the back door after work...

... he was still sniggering.

NOTE: There is no one real recipe for bubble and squeak - it's traditionally made up of left over vegetables from a Sunday Roast, all mashed together and fried in a pan on the stove in butter. Sometimes as a mash up, sometimes as a large cake and sometimes as patties. I find a general rule of thumb to follow is whatever weight of potatoes you use, use half that weight of vegetables (or thereabouts) - also, if you do happen to have creamed the mash together with butter and/or milk - you're best bet is to make a mash up and fry it as is, as the wetter the bubble and squeak mix, the less likely that it will be able to hold its shape and make decent patties (or cakes). Dry frying (no fat) also helps the patties to keep their shape and not take on extra moisture and become sloppy (but that might be just me!).

* Sweet Potato and Chana Dahl Soup {Meatless Mondays}

I know... you've all been waiting with bated breath for yet another chunky soup recipe. Haven't you.

I'm going to take your deathly silence as assent and plod on with the post.

This Sweet Potato and Chana Dahl Soup Recipe is a copycat of a Baxter's Soup by a similar name - except mine is a damn sight cheaper and has less calories... which wasn't the ultimate point but you can't have too much *happy* when it comes to food.

The point was... actually I don't know what the point was. I forget.

Anyway.... I've ended up with an exceptionally scrumptious and healthy soup that'll serve as a dinner if you're not craving steak and chips (fries), and works perfectly as a filling and healthy meal if you're doing the 5:2 diet... which I am. Sometimes successfully... other times... notsomuch. It seems to depend on how much cake there is in the house at any one time. 

If there isn't cake, it's really not a good idea to make cake, especially on a day when you are meant to be fasting because all sorts of things can (and do) happen... like finding yourself licking the butter cream off of the whisks or suddenly discovering your tongue in the bottom of the mixing bowl. Neither are good situations to suddenly come to your senses in. 

It's also very difficult to work out the exact amount of calories in 20 licks of coffee butter cream and 5 tongues of coffee cake batter.

Though I promise I did try.

Not.

* Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Muffins {Nigella Lawson}

The last time I tried to make anything resembling a chocolate muffin or cupcake, it all went volcanically wrong - I think it's because I use my fan oven for just about everything, and it's really not suited to baking smaller cakes, at all. It either dries them out or blows them up.

There is a chance that it's actually a non intelligent life form that is making attempts at nuclear fusion via cake batter.

Well I've finally used my noggin and removed it's funding (stopped using it for little cakes, ya follow?) and I used my conventional oven instead to cook these Chocolate Chocolate-Chip Muffins from a Nigella Lawson recipe.

It worked.

It worked so well that I got too excited to wait to photograph these babies and the chocolate-chips on the top were still a bit hot and shiny. I absolutely promise that I did not lick the top of every single muffin to create a shiny effect.

Though the temptation was certainly there.

* Spicy Cashew and Sultana Rice {Meatless Mondays}

We're celebrating Neils 45th birthday tonight, if we can manage to get to mum's in Neil's car.

Typically, both cars have gone up the spout at the same time... mine's in the garage for an MOT that's going to cost an arm and a leg... and then Neil phoned this morning to say that his car kept cutting out on him on the the way to work. 

It never rains but it pours.

Hopefully a huge "curry night" will take the edge off for all of us, and in a few hours we'll be in a curry coma.

There's a bottle of wine, beers and half the makings of dinner at mum's already - and I've cooked the rest today. We're having this lovely Spicy Cashew and Sultana Rice with Chicken Tikka Masala, onion bhajis, vegetable samosas and naan breads. I'm not skilled enough to make the tricky bits (yet - working on it), but the rice and curry are family favourites that I can turn out with my eyes closed. 

Sometimes. 

Today I nearly burnt the curry because I was distracted by something online. 

It's really not a good idea to google Hugh Jackman images when you're supposed to be cooking dinner.

* Cheesy Leek and Red Onion Toasties {Meatless Mondays}

Guess what I've been doing!?! Go on... just a little guess...

No. I have not been para-gliding.

Try again...

Haven't dyed my hair green either...

Do you give in?

Weelllllllllll... I've been "fasting"... which is why it's been a bit quiet around here this past week.

I started the 5:2 diet/way of eating on Thursday, in a bid to shift some weight and get a bit healthier because I don't reckon this body wants to be hefting this bum around in another 10 years.... and so far so good (the diet). I fasted on Thursday and Saturday and managed with little problem to stick to 500 calories on both days because I knew I could eat normally for the rest of the week.

I'm not gonna bang on about it, other than to say that it's given me a bit to think about from the perspective of what I really want to eat on the 5 days when I'm not fasting. I feel as though I have to have food that I Treally Rooly want, rather than just whatever happens to be available at the time - which means I may have to actually get organised... yeah, I know... nnnnot gonna happen.

I may not have been eating a lot of food, but I've certainly been thinking about it and trawling through my recipe books has actually helped a little - strange but true.

This Cheesy Leek and Red Onion Toasties recipe is a version of one I found in my River Cottage Veg Everyday book. It looked so damn nommy that I swear I left a puddle of drool on the photographs... I may even have chewed the page slightly...

... which might explain why I wasn't particularly hungry on that particular "fast day". Mmmmm.

Anyone know how many calories there are in paper?!?

* Traditional Brownie {Hummingbird Bakery}

Finally - a traditional brownie recipe that I didn't muller first time around...

Every cook, everywhere, no matter their expertise (I'm not claiming any here, just go with the flow till I'm done )... has something that they either can't cook or aren't very good at instinctively.

For me, it used to be pastry - however... I've mentioned in other posts that I am now a pastry goddess (of at least two types of pastry... two types)... Shut up. I can hear your "Yeah. Right." sarcasm from here. I can do my own. Thankyou. Sarcasm AND pastry. In. Your. Face...

Now that I have conquered one battle, won one war (stay with me), it would seem that I have had another one on my hands. Brownies. I'm crap at 'em.

NOT ANY MORE. Bolded and underlined baby.

Okay. I've had one iddy biddy true success, but you can't take that away from me. Look at 'em. They are perfectly papery on the top and squidgily soft in the middle and it's like you've died and gone to heaven when you stuff three of them in your face all at once.

Not that I did that. Okay... I might have done that. It all happened so fast I'm not quite sure what happened - but one minute there were 12 brownies and the next... weeellllll... there were less than 10... and I was chewing on something chocolatey. Maybe.

According to my Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook - traditional brownies must be chewy, chocolatey and dense - and these were all three. I think maybe the fact that I used my conventional oven to cook them, rather than my fan oven - meant that they didn't dry out and lose that essential squidgy factor. So I'll be doing that again.

And soon.

* Butternut Squash Lasagne {Meatless Mondays}

I've experimented with this Butternut Squash Lasagne a few of times now. The first time I used a bechamel sauce and cut the butternut rather large. It was too rich and sweet and the butternut wasn't a particularly nice texture to come across whilst eating it... not a good thing when the whole bloody dish is being prepared on the basis of using the butternut to start with... and it was sloppy.

I don't like sloppy lasagne... I like gin... (you have to have a tv and know your Aldi adverts to appreciate the last sentence).

So... I like lasagne that holds it shape when you dish it out - it makes it look like you're an expert at much more than just making lasagne. Truly.

Next time you visit a restaurant or friends house and they serve up a sloppy lasagne - even if it tastes great - you're going to think about the fact that you are judging them on so many more levels than just their ability to cook the lasagne. If you're eating out, at the very least you're going to think you're paying too much. If you're at a friends, you're going to pray that they haven't attempted a trifle for dessert.

Well... that's what my brain does... I don't get invited anywhere but mother's for dinner (JOKING PEOPLE!).

The butternut for this lasagne was diced much smaller than previous versions, so sort of melted into the sauce, aaaaannd I used creme fraiche instead of a bechamel sauce and it cut through some of that sweetness. Plus all I had to do was spoon it out of it's pot, rather than stand stirring and whisking and praying for a lumpless sauce.

This lasagne held it's shape.

I reckon I could tackle a trifle. 

Maybe.

* Raspberry Coconut Cupcakes

Raspberries are cheap in Aldi at the moment, so of course - I purchased a ton of them. Not quite enough to make ice cream, though I'd really like to (mum keeps dropping hints), but certainly enough to make a cakey or two. We've only recently had Raspberry Almond Squares, and I haven't successfully made a cupcake in FOREVER, so it was about time for another dubious attempt.

They worked.

Go me.

There was dancing and everything.

As I stood icing them, my friend Trina appeared (she has a cake radar) for a cup of tea, and got so excited at the prospect of cake that at one point I thought she was going to drop her head in the icing bowl. When we're out in public I often pretend I don't know her - especially when she discovers matching jewellery. Ever seen a girl nearly wet herself over a bangle? I have. It's the stuff of nightmares.

I couldn't find my piping bag and nozzles, so iced the cupcakes with a palette knife and they ended up with a slightly shabby chic appearance, that I actually quite liked once I stopped licking the palette knife long enough to take notice. You'll be happy to know that I did not lick anything whilst in the midst of icing, but waited until I had finished. Honest.

I was genuinely chuffed to bits with the end result. They were moist and tasty and nommy and sweet and there's none left already.

You didn't expect otherwise, did you?!?

HAVE YOU MET ME?!?

* Blackberry Ice Cream

I have been a-foraging. I have cuts, bruises, scabs, grazes and thorns in my feet (because I was in a hippy happy mood and wanted to wear my sandals in the sunshine) and up my arms. Thankfully my face has remained un-harmed by my endeavours into "Death by Blackberry Bush".

The dog found it all vastly amusing and sat huff-huffing behind me as I balanced on my tippy-toes, reaching for just-one-more-black-berry... and went arse over tit into the bushes. MY GOD they have the tiniest little thorns on them that weave their way under your skin like splinters. I really wanted my mummy. At least twice.

She used to take us (my baby bruvver and I) blackberrying on the way home from school, every September. We'd get home with purple fingers and faces, and decide that we were going to come and live in the brambles and feast on the berries for ever and ever and ever... 

... until one of us would say "I bet you ate a maggot".

Aren't kids lovely... I used to tell my brother that we found him in a dustbin.

Where were we? Blackberry Ice Cream.... Oooooh.... right... I inherited my dad's decrepit Ice Cream maker and have only recently pulled it out of the attic and cleaned it up so's I can play. I have never, ever made ice cream before. Definitely. Not at college. Not in my yoof. Not in my house. Not in my life.

I have now made blackberry ice cream.

I will be making it again.

I will not be telling anyone next time.

I will not be sharing it.

You won't want to, either.

* Homemade Potato Gnocchi

I spent an entire afternoon making gnocchi, a few weeks back. It only took that long because I stopped to watch a film half way through cooking the potatoes. As you do.

I've never made gnocchi before, not that I can recall at any rate. If I have made it before it would have been when I was at Catering College and I was so busy partying "back in the day" (Oh My God I Feel Old Never Using That Sentence Again... Ever), that I was lucky if I remembered to turn up to class, let alone what I cooked when I was there.... though I do remember making a cassoulet and dropping it on the floor. It was in my shoes for weeks.

Back to the gnocchi... by the time I'd finished, I had a ton of the stuff - reminiscent of the quantity of marshmallow fluff still sitting in my kitchen cupboard (though I have attacked at least one jar of it with a spoon (and my finger when I couldn't find a spoon quickly enough)). I'm digressing again. Aren't I.

THE GNOCCHI... was actually pretty therapeutic to make, and even though it felt like it took forever to do it, the end results were well worth the effort. It was a bit like mucking about with a sticky, starchy play dough, and I'm not sure that I didn't find some on the back of my neck and in my hair later on that day. The only frustrating thing - for someone with mild OCD tendencies - was the lack of uniformity in each little dumpling. But they all tasted the same when cooked, so for a first (remembered) attempt - it's all good.

I saw an Italian/Welsh girl on the TV a while back, putting stripes in her gnocchi and I couldn't remember how she did it, so I just attacked a few of mine with a fork rather randomly until I realised I was sabotaging my potato pillows... and stopped.

Then I did it again. Because it was fun.

* Raspberry Almond Squares

I know. They're not exactly square squares, but I can't bring myself to call them something as delicate as a slice, because they're really not delicate at all. They are, in fact, rather robust and pretty deep wodges of almondy, raspberryee cakie.

I have deep cakes. 

You have to open your mouth up REALLY BLOODY WIDE to wedge one of these babies in there. I know, because I've wedged four of them in mine. Not all at once, but I couldn't quite believe just how far I had to dislocate my jaw to get one in, so I had to try again.  

Four times!!! Okay. Three more times, because I'd already tried once and 3 + 1 = 4. If you clap - I will hunt you down and kill you.

I made these for Neil (out of guilt and because he loves them) because my oldest BFF, Kerry - dropped me in it. She mentioned his "I don't like custard" face... on facebook... and he wondered why she'd be mentioning such a thing... when he doesn't actually have an "I don't like custard" face... 

Mmmmm. Well. I didn't 'fess up that I'd blogged about it because I managed to instigate a discussion (yes - a discussion - NOT an argument) about the fact that I'd been with him for twenty years so I should absolutely know whether or not he had an "I don't like custard" face.

I win all arguments just recently by stating "Twenty years, Neil... TWENTY YEARS!!!" Which is code for "I know exactly what you're up to/what you meant/why you said that/did that/moved that/ate that... and you can't... fool... me!"

He just sits and laughs at me - then I let him get away with whatever it was he was trying to get away with because he's made me laugh too...

Mmmeh, maybe he can fool me. When I let him.

* Cheddar and Chive Scones {Meatless Mondays}

In a bid to use up a few store cupboard ingredients that I don't use on a regular basis (I don't use any of them on a regular basis, but for the sake of having something to write about.... just go along with it)... ahem...

IN A BID to use up the wholemeal flour that was... ugh.

Okay. I was bored. And hungry.

I really shouldn't have been, because we went our for a humongous English Breakfast yesterday morning, that was not only the equivalent of an entire day's food on one plate - it was also absolutely scrumptious. The only HUGE disappointment HUUUUUUUGE - from my stand point - was that Neil ate his black pudding for the first time in 20 years....

... WE HAVE... AN... AGREEMENT!

Neil gets my egg white and I get his black pudding and grilled tomato. Yes. It is slightly tilted in my favour. However... WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to word this on the divorce papers. Irreconcilable differences, perhaps? Or emotional abuse. Either way - it's over. I've already written a letter to Hugh (Jackman), telling him what time my aeroplane lands... and that we need to stop off at Maureen Shaw's for a roast dinner (she's holding the gravy) before carrying on our way to wherever our love nest is...

... but before I hop on a plane to *Laa-Laa Land* (and I don't mean Australia)... I baked some cheese and chives scones to take with me (to Laa-Laa Land, not to Australia.... Hugh won't be there (in Laa-Laa Land) Get a grip), or to eat with Butternut Squash and Tomato Soup for tea tonight... when I forgive Neil...

... for eating my black pudding. Yeah. Not gonna happen.

I'm curious - do any of you have similar agreements with your partner's when it comes to food? And do you want to stab them in the face with a fork when they renege on the deal? Do tell.

* Eton Mess Cheesecake

I think I may have an addiction to food shopping. Actually, I know I have an addiction to food shopping. 

One day I will photograph the contents of my fridge, food cupboards, freezers and emergency *just in case of a nuclear war that causes earthquakes and volcanic eruptions that create a Tsunami that melts all the icebergs and THEN we get hit by an asteroid* shelf in the cupboard under the stairs... and share them with you... and you probably won't ever come back.

I'm thinking of running away from it all myself. Possibly to Australia. With an Australian. With Hugh Jackman... Not Guy Pearse, he's kinda scrawny looking... Bruce Bannanannanaman has his horny moments though.

I think I'd probably take my food shopping addiction with me, and I can't see Hugh or Bruce being too happy about that. Guy could do with a decent dinner or two but he's not in the running. So. What to do.

Cue The Clash, front stage in my head "Should I stay or should I go noowwwwwwww".

Well I'm gonna stay. And I'm gonna cook it all. Then I'm gonna eat it all. I think I have enough food stashed throughout the house, to feed us for at least the next three months, other than for fresh vegetables.

I would LOVE to slowly get rid of it all and start completely afresh, but when I decide to use something up and enjoy what I've eaten - I go straight out and buy more so's I can make it again. Like with this cheesecake - I needed to use up some strawberries and cream cheese and I had a couple of meringue nests "waiting for God" in a packet on the *panic shelf*...

Sigh... it was so nice - I went straight out and bought another punnet of strawberries... and spotted some raspberries blowing kisses at me from the shelf beside them... and found myself wandering towards a box of meringues before my brain kicked in, took control of my feet and moved us (me and my brain), towards the checkout.

It didn't spot the box of cream cheese I'd stashed under the strawberries though.

Hah. My brain is so sssslow.

Oh.
Wait.