* Hot Smoked Salmon Kedgeree Stir Fry

I LOVE Hot Smoked Salmon. I have a hard time not eating it straight out of the fridge, with only my fingers for garnish. You can't disguise the fact that you've just raided the fridge and helped yourself to a rather large flake of the stuff, because it's quite strong smelling in it's smokiness. So I leave the fridge foraging for when no one is home and the windows are wide open... and for when I've locked the cat in the garage. If I don't lock the cat in the garage he comes charging in through the cat flap at the first whiff - meowing "CHRISTMAS" at top volume.

This Hot Smoked Salmon Kedgeree Stir Fry was born of a want for kedgeree and pure unadulterated laziness. I can't be bothered to cook up a storm most mornings and I want my first meal of the day to take as little time as possible to prepare so that I can stuff my face in a leisurely fashion and enjoy a pint of coffee whilst I wake up... plus - I don't like egg white. Kedgeree usually involves egg of some description. Boiled, poached or fried depending on the person cooking it. I honestly wish I could stand the texture of egg white because I would love to try Eggs Benedict or Huevos Rancheros but after 44 years it just ain't gonna happen. So I tend to stir a whole beaten egg into my kedgeree as a substitute and it works better with the stir fry method than any other...

... and there's that whole need for speed thing...

* Pork Meatballs with Chipotle Tomato Sauce

I am currently going through yet another "use up everything in the freezers" phase. It's only going to last long enough for me to make enough room to stuff more stuff in them... and also long enough to discover a million different ways to cook pork mince - I have a crap ton of the stuff... of course, I didn't know this when I started this phase. If I had, I might still be endeavouring to cram everything into my freezers with a shoe horn. There's only so much pork mince a person can eat before they start oinking.

Or before one's husband begins to roll his eyes and ask... "Pork mince again??? Have we started a pig farm and this is your way of telling me?"

"No - but if you'd like to take over the cooking from now on.....?"

"Nothat'sokay."

"Thought so. Have another meatball... we have a freezer full of them."

We don't... but for the sake of winding him up, I just can't resist.

So... as you can see... I made these Pork Meatballs with Chipotle Tomato Sauce. They're  rich and spicy and busting with flavour and are also fairly easy on the calories.... yes... I am still dieting, or rather - since my last post I sort of, kind of, might have... eaten my own body weight in chocolate (again)... and decided I should probably start making an effort to ensure that I only ever require one seat on an aeroplane...

... to house my bum...

* Red Pepper Frittata + Michel Roux Cook Book Give Away! {Meatless Mondays}

I have a beautiful brand new hard back copy of Michel Roux's Cook Book - Eggs, to give away to one lucky reader. And by beautiful... I mean.... beeeeeeautiful - the recipes and photographs are to die for.

Of course, because I have a book on eggs to give away, I could hardly post a recipe for something that did not have at least one egg in it.

This Red Pepper Frittata has six. Six whole eggs. I was very tempted to use eight and that was in fact "The plan". But you should all know by now that me and plans... we don't get along too well. I only had six eggs, so an eight egg frittata was gonna be a bust unless I went to the shops. I wasn't getting the car out for  two eggs. I had wine, or I could have gone for wine and inadvertently purchased eggs as well, and maybe some chocolate.

I would have made an omelet but this is one dish (among many) whose perfection defeats me. I like omelettes a little soft in the middle, but I'm never sure if I want to fold it, or have it flat like a frittata and half way through deciding I end up with scrambled. If you want to know How To Make an Omelette... click on the link I've just given you!

Back to THE GIVE AWAY... dun, dun, duuunnnnnnnn....

Just answer me this and you’re entered to win:

What popular kids TV show theme music started with the words... "Up above the streets and houses..."

(Not related to the cookbook at all, I know.... if you don't know the answer just say "Captain Caveman, who cares, just give me the book!" or whatever else you fancy (keep it clean though), to be in with a chance of winning.)

You can also follow me here, here, here, here and here and come let me know in individual comments below.

This giveaway is limited to UK residents only and is sponsored by Media Agency London.

I'll be picking the winner at random and announcing them on November 25th.

Good Luck!

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

* Chocolate Zucchini Brownies

I made these Chocolate Zucchini Brownies three times before I felt they were good enough to share... with real touchable people as well as all of you!

Usually, it seems to take me longer to photograph and blog a recipe, than it does to actually make it - not this time, however... I made these brownies three times before I finally got them right!

The first time I made them, I squeezed all of the water out of the zucchini and they were a tad cake-like in consistency. Nice, but not dense and chewy enough to be called a brownie.

The second time I made them in a 20cm x 20cm square cake tin and only used 50g/2oz of chocolate chips, but I didn't squeeze the water out of the zucchini.... they were really good and completely shareable but I forgot to take photographs.... because we ate them a tad quickly.

Just a tad.

The third time I used a 27cm x 17cm baking pan, didn't squeeze the water out of the zucchini and added 100g/4oz of chocolate chips.... and remembered to photograph them before we ate them... barely. They were awesome - dense, chewy, chocolatey, nommy bars of heaven.

The best compliment in the world was when my friend Lynne's daughter - Deryn - ate five of them before we could get the lid back on the tin they'd been served in. I sat there in awe and delight. Finally, someone with an even bigger capacity for sweet things, than I.

But only just.

* Sweet Potato and Caramelised Onion Quiche {Meatless Mondays}

I know I keep saying that I'm surprised when a recipe works, but I genuinely am. This Sweet Potato and Caramelised Onion Quiche was an experiment because I used my favourite Parmesan and polenta pastry with it. I thought I might have gone for overkill with the flavour combinations and ended up with a dish that was all over the shot.

Happily I was wrong.

I made the quiche to take to mum's on Sunday as my brother and his clan were donning their life jackets and coming to Cornwall to visit. So.... an "occasion" was at hand. An "occasion" always requires copious amounts of food in my family, so you're guaranteed to have at least one individual who likes what you've put in front of them.

Both Neil and my brother, demolished my quiche. I've no idea if Josh ate any. Josh is a Ninja at family gatherings. He appears from nowhere with a plate. The plate is suddenly full to brimming. Then both Josh and his plate disappear... as if they had never been there to begin with!!! There's not even a throwing star lodged in a wall somewhere. It's like the air is displaced with his image, and a plate... then *piff paff poof*... gone.

I wish I could do that.

Especially just after I've farted.

* Mexican Cornbread Muffins {Meatless Mondays}

I absolutely LOVE cornbread, but Neil isn't usually a huge fan. Possibly because most of the time I use a medium grain polenta to make it, and he finds it a tad too gnarly. In which case I usually end up eating the whole lot - not in one sitting... but it's too close to call.

I managed to get hold of some fine polenta in Tesco's the other day, and seeing as I'm always trying to conquer my oven's urge to C-4 small cakes and muffins - I thought I'd have a go at making mini cornbreads... because I am determined to win this particular battle (with the oven) and selling Neil a Mexican Cornbread Muffin was going to be a damn sight easier than saying "I made cornbread". 

I was keeping my fingers crossed that he wouldn't connect the dots.

He didn't. Or maybe he did and decided to play along. He does that A LOT. It's part of his charm.

"Oooh look what my mum bought me!"

"Your mum bought you a new desktop for £600?"

"Ummm... yes?"

"With our debit card?"

"Ummmmmm...mmm... yessss???"

....... "That was nice of her."

What's not to love?!?!!!

He actually enjoyed the muffin that I let him taste test, warm from the oven. I taste tested two. One of them was eaten very quietly in the kitchen, away from all eyes but the dog's. Her eyes said "If you don't give me some of that I'm telling." 

So I shared.

* Traditional Brownie {Hummingbird Bakery}

Finally - a traditional brownie recipe that I didn't muller first time around...

Every cook, everywhere, no matter their expertise (I'm not claiming any here, just go with the flow till I'm done )... has something that they either can't cook or aren't very good at instinctively.

For me, it used to be pastry - however... I've mentioned in other posts that I am now a pastry goddess (of at least two types of pastry... two types)... Shut up. I can hear your "Yeah. Right." sarcasm from here. I can do my own. Thankyou. Sarcasm AND pastry. In. Your. Face...

Now that I have conquered one battle, won one war (stay with me), it would seem that I have had another one on my hands. Brownies. I'm crap at 'em.

NOT ANY MORE. Bolded and underlined baby.

Okay. I've had one iddy biddy true success, but you can't take that away from me. Look at 'em. They are perfectly papery on the top and squidgily soft in the middle and it's like you've died and gone to heaven when you stuff three of them in your face all at once.

Not that I did that. Okay... I might have done that. It all happened so fast I'm not quite sure what happened - but one minute there were 12 brownies and the next... weeellllll... there were less than 10... and I was chewing on something chocolatey. Maybe.

According to my Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook - traditional brownies must be chewy, chocolatey and dense - and these were all three. I think maybe the fact that I used my conventional oven to cook them, rather than my fan oven - meant that they didn't dry out and lose that essential squidgy factor. So I'll be doing that again.

And soon.

* Raspberry Coconut Cupcakes

Raspberries are cheap in Aldi at the moment, so of course - I purchased a ton of them. Not quite enough to make ice cream, though I'd really like to (mum keeps dropping hints), but certainly enough to make a cakey or two. We've only recently had Raspberry Almond Squares, and I haven't successfully made a cupcake in FOREVER, so it was about time for another dubious attempt.

They worked.

Go me.

There was dancing and everything.

As I stood icing them, my friend Trina appeared (she has a cake radar) for a cup of tea, and got so excited at the prospect of cake that at one point I thought she was going to drop her head in the icing bowl. When we're out in public I often pretend I don't know her - especially when she discovers matching jewellery. Ever seen a girl nearly wet herself over a bangle? I have. It's the stuff of nightmares.

I couldn't find my piping bag and nozzles, so iced the cupcakes with a palette knife and they ended up with a slightly shabby chic appearance, that I actually quite liked once I stopped licking the palette knife long enough to take notice. You'll be happy to know that I did not lick anything whilst in the midst of icing, but waited until I had finished. Honest.

I was genuinely chuffed to bits with the end result. They were moist and tasty and nommy and sweet and there's none left already.

You didn't expect otherwise, did you?!?

HAVE YOU MET ME?!?

* Raspberry Almond Squares

I know. They're not exactly square squares, but I can't bring myself to call them something as delicate as a slice, because they're really not delicate at all. They are, in fact, rather robust and pretty deep wodges of almondy, raspberryee cakie.

I have deep cakes. 

You have to open your mouth up REALLY BLOODY WIDE to wedge one of these babies in there. I know, because I've wedged four of them in mine. Not all at once, but I couldn't quite believe just how far I had to dislocate my jaw to get one in, so I had to try again.  

Four times!!! Okay. Three more times, because I'd already tried once and 3 + 1 = 4. If you clap - I will hunt you down and kill you.

I made these for Neil (out of guilt and because he loves them) because my oldest BFF, Kerry - dropped me in it. She mentioned his "I don't like custard" face... on facebook... and he wondered why she'd be mentioning such a thing... when he doesn't actually have an "I don't like custard" face... 

Mmmmm. Well. I didn't 'fess up that I'd blogged about it because I managed to instigate a discussion (yes - a discussion - NOT an argument) about the fact that I'd been with him for twenty years so I should absolutely know whether or not he had an "I don't like custard" face.

I win all arguments just recently by stating "Twenty years, Neil... TWENTY YEARS!!!" Which is code for "I know exactly what you're up to/what you meant/why you said that/did that/moved that/ate that... and you can't... fool... me!"

He just sits and laughs at me - then I let him get away with whatever it was he was trying to get away with because he's made me laugh too...

Mmmeh, maybe he can fool me. When I let him.

* Butternut, Bacon and Bell Pepper Carbonara

On Tuesday, we decided to open up a cheap bottle of red wine we'd been given as a gift, only to discover that the cork was made of some sort of resin that the cork screw slid into and out of, without bringing the cork with it.

Cue mild panic.

We abandoned the wine in favour of a bottle of Stella, because dinner was about to burn.

On Wednesday morning, Neil's van was robbed and he lost his smart phone, a wad of cash, all his construction cards, his house keys and his car key...

Cue more mild panic.

On Wednesday evening, after dealing with the fallout from Neil's burgled van - we took a hammer to the imprisoned bottle of wine.

I had to sieve the wine through kitchen roll into a jug, to ensure there was no glass in it and we had to drink the entire jugful, because there was no cork big enough to stick in it.

Cue mellowed out, happy, happy.

Dinner was big pants though. Not even the wine could disguise the fact that I'd grabbed a load of convenience foods out of the freezer, whacked them in the oven, forgot about them whilst trying to emancipate the wine from it's prison, slightly singed everything and then stuck a tin of baked beans with it...

... I would absolutely love to be able to sell you a lifestyle, where everything goes swimmingly and we live in a beautiful bubble of fresh food and vegetables, ikea furniture and, like... totally fab dinner parties. But the reality is that we're living a life, not living a life style.

I don't cook decent, fresh food every single day. I've never been to ikea and even though I do throw like, utterly, totally and completely fab dinner parties... it's usually for just the two us.

On Thursday, I had time to make up for Wednesday's debacle of a dinner and thought I'd experiment with a butternut squash and a bit of bacon. I was going to make a "pasta bake" because you guys tend to love them (my traffic stats said so, so it must be true), but I had half a tub of creme fraiche to use up (no spinach, lucky you), so threw together a carbonara and hoped for the best.

You'll have to judge for yourselves though. I didn't cook enough for all of us.

DISCLAIMER: No wine was severely harmed in the making of this blog post.

* Smoked Sausage, Tomato and Watercress Tart

It's actually a Smoked Sausage, Sun Dried Tomato and Watercress Tart in a Parmesan Polenta Pastry (try saying that once, without tripping up, when completely sober.... now have a glass of wine... and try again... much easier, wasn't it)... which is waaaaay too heavy a title to put on a recipe. It's almost a pedigree, and I'm hardly entering it into Crufts.

Food gets a bit *samey* sometimes, in this house. I don't always have the time or the inclination to cook much more than something that goes in a pot and will sit happily with rice or pasta... but occasionally, my need to use food up and make space in my fridge for another, fresher, culinary rainbow of vegetables - gives me enough incentive to become a bit more inventive, if not adventurous.

It was watercress that needed using up this time. I had been inspired to buy it, by a recent trip to The Finnygook Inn, for dinner. They served it with steak. I liked it enough that I bought a bag. That's how most stuff gets into the fridge. I have a moment of "oooooooh... what a nice idea, I think I can make *this* a part of my everyday diet"... and I really can't. There's a LOT of watercress in one bag. Enough to go with several steak servings, not just one or two.

I didn't buy steak. I only like steak, in any form, when someone else has cooked it. This is a constant disappointment to Neil.

Neil would eat shoe leather if I put it on his plate and told him it was steak. This is most probably because when I have cooked steak, it has resembled shoe leather... I'm really inspiring you with confidence in my cooking right about now, aren't I.

Back to my Tart... it worked a million times better than I had imagined it would. It really was one of those surprising successes (I am always surprised when I have a success). I experimented with the pastry and if I only ever make one pastry again, it'll be this one. Using up the watercress in the tart was also a success...

... Now all I have to do is work out what the hell I'm going to do with a ton of Marshmallow Fluff.

* Chicken, Sweetcorn and Red Pepper Quiche

This was only meant to be a chicken and sweetcorn quiche, but when I'd added both to the quiche base it looked so blonde and boring that I had to add something else to liven up the colour a bit. There's nothing worse than being bored by your food - especially before you've even cooked it.

Actually, that happens to me a lot - it's why I never cook what I've planned. I think I spend so much time thinking "I'll cook a spag bol tomorrow night..." that when the time actually comes round to cooking it... I'm bored with the idea. It's a rare thing that we do actually eat anything that I have predicted I'll cook... sometimes even up to an hour ahead. Which is fun.... There's also the rare occasion when it's actually in the oven... which is not fun. Really.

I have the attention span of a rabid gnat. With an itchy arse.

In truth, I'm very surprised that I am still food blogging after 8 months. I can totally understand why people start these things up and then just... stop. I have NO IDEA how some food bloggers manage to find the time to update their blog every day!!! Do they have superpowers?!? How do they keep it interesting too? Because they do.

I have days when I sit here, stumped, and wonder what an earth do I write about today? And other days it just kinda happens. Like today. I had no clue where this was going until I got here. And now that I've arrived, it seems this particular journey has ended.

My mind's a blank.

.... aaaaaaaand now I'm having a Homer Simpson "La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la" moment.

* Quiche Lorraine

Pastry and I - have been at war - since around 1995. I finally waved the white flag of surrender, about 10 years ago when my mum sat in my kitchen, giving clear directions on how to make pastry while I gave it one last shot... then sat back amazed at the end result and said "You're right. You can't make pastry!" I did tell her. She wouldn't listen. I had to show her. I was actually victorious in my proof of failure. "See, mum - I told you... hah!".

Idiot.

About a year or so ago, I had eggs, cheese and crème fraîche that needed using up and I had an urge to make a quiche, but had no shop bought pastry, so I thought "What the hell, one last try". It turns out that I had merely surrendered the battle and not the war. I won the war. I just needed a magi mix. I love my magi mix. My magi mix is my hero - when hubby isn't in the room, of course.